Awareness: the curse of Asperger’s?

Having autism has made me different since I was born. And while some autistic people may not realise this, I’ve always known I couldn’t relate to my peers. What I didn’t know, was the reason.
I never felt I had adapted to my school environment, and even when I made one neurotypical friend, I still felt people didn’t like me in general.
Although I knew this, I didn’t start worrying about this till I started middle school, because I noticed that social life played an important part in the teenager’s life. This worry vanished as fast as it came to my mind actually. I knew that for my classmates, it was important to have friends. I knew it, and accepted it. Yet it didn’t mean I would become an active part of it. Why? Was there a rule that said you had to do it? I did never get an explanation.
My classmates, for other several issues, started excluding me and they behaved as if I were a monster or a Martian. Then the real bullying started. Insults, name calling and mostly, psychological abuse. This was hell. As this went over, I started to wish I was left out and ignored. I preferred this rather than being a vulnerable victim. I started to create my own world and closing myself on it. I felt much better. I didn’t understand the way the world worked, so what could be better?

I was still excluded by most of my classmates at the end of middle school, but I got to make a bunch of friends (6). The 50% of those are, of course, also autistic. The 33% of them have different disabilities and the 17% of them have no disability= There are 3 who are autistic, the other 3 who aren’t autistic; 2 of them still have disabilities, and the other one is completely neurotypical. I love them. They’ve saved me. They don’t judge my way of thinking and never let me down.


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